The past twelve months have been the hardest year of my life. Many nights were spent wondering if my life still had value and if life was worth living. For the first time in my life I didn’t even have the strength to pray for myself. I would try to pray and when it did it would only remind me of the pain I felt. To cope with the pain I would take different medications to help me sleep and hope the storm would pass.
When I would wake up the pain would still be in my heart, the clouds didn’t move, and the light at the end of the tunnel seemed so far away. However when I couldn’t pray for myself, I’m so grateful there was someone else praying for me and holding me up. I could feel those prayers as people began to encourage me. It was like new life was breathed into my body and spirit. God began to show that this time it wasn’t so much the enemy, it was the INNER ME. I couldn’t blame anything or anyone else. I needed to take some time and work on me. I had to realize that I wasn’t being strong by avoiding my issues but I found strength in acknowledging my imperfections so that I could be healed and then allow my story to help others.
I understood the grace and mercy of GOD but I didn’t just want forgiveness, I wanted to be healed, I wanted to be better. I began to get the help that I needed to become a better person from the inside out. This process wasn’t easy but it was so necessary. God is still completing the good work on the inside of me, but I realize it’s more than just asking. I had to be intentional in making sure that I was doing my part. I had to do the work to become a better person. I had to stop running from the part of me that I didn’t like and deal with it head on. God couldn’t change what I was afraid to confront. When I couldn’t find the words and strength to pray, I thank GOD someone else was praying for me. The prayers of the righteous for me and my family really did save my life.